ebay sucks

Hi there eBay bitch buyer,

I understand you were hoping to have the parcel sent out today via express post, so that you could wear these oh-so-important shoes to your so-ever-important event. Just to clarify, I sent a message at 2:13pm regarding post options and did not receive a response until 4:32pm. In your last email you advised that you sent a response 'instantly' ... I'm not sure how instant you think 2 hours is, but I guess this explains your slow nature, in which case I feel sorry for you I guess it sucks to be you. It's also been brought to my attention that next day postage ends at 4:00pm, so either way you would not have received the parcel as promptly as you'd hoped. I suggest you act a little quicker next time ... preferably quicker than your version of 'instantly'.

Now, I can understand that someone as uneducated as yourself, may not be able to comprehend the concept of full-time work, regardless ... given I do work full-time, it is difficult for me to spontaneously head out of the office at 4:30pm. Unlike yourself, I have a life and eBay is not my number one priority. That said, despite the unrealistic 28 minute time frame, I did attempt to post your parcel after work. Needless to say, the post office was closed. Shocker. Had I received a message from you earlier in the day, this would have allowed me the time to attend to your needs ... your royal highness.

In addition, the domestic handling time states 'Will usually post within 2 business days of receiving cleared payment'. I do endeavour to send out parcels as soon as possible, but I'm sure you can understand sometimes things don't always go according to plan. So, although I may have stated that I could potentially send out the shoes via express post today, the 2 business days allowance still applies due to unforeseeable events, such as your stupidity.

If I could, I would cancel the transaction ... as I would never want someone in your condition to be walking in my shoes. No, that would be asking too much of your poor unfortunate soul. See, I'm thinking of you, and I do have your best interests at heart. However, due to eBay's intolerable terms and conditions, it seems I'm obliged to send you the shoes. Enjoy falling flat on your face in 5 inch heels.

Sincerely awaiting negative feedback,

A

P.S. It would be in your best interests to either provide positive feedback or no feedback at all ... because remember, I know where you live.